Last words as a 16-teen:
Today, As i was typing this… are my last few minutes on my journey of my 16th year in this effing world. i dunno what to feel but this seems like a normal day passing around me and then one day im done with it and im ready to die. this sounds like psycho but this sounds so me. im a retard bloke here speaking whats on my mind through this because i tried making poems in this whole afternoon (literally) and i cant even make one (so that technically means i failed). my poetry screws are effin gearing up and i dunno what oil i must use to lubricate it, but i know that’s only you, my reader. but dew to my urge to atleast make a documentation out of this life event so i forced myself to do it so i apologize for the shitness of this blog. well, i dunno where to start because my 16th are a lot more different than the previous one (ofc im referring to 15th 14th 13th and so on).
this year, i achieved the peacefulness i want, i mean a normal life. happy. because of its consistency. good grades, good friends (crazy rather), good everything i must say? but not really because ofc nothing effing perfect. but in general, this is a good year! i received the respect i adore to have from my blockmates, and the glory also which spoils my ego alot.
this year, i felt much kinder. kinder not saint like but kinder in terms of being a responsible daughter (but a great rebel sometimes haha) kinder blockmate, kinder friend? better to say, giver hahahahaha
this year, i am more matured. i learned to control my anger. which up to extent that i didnt say a word when i get mad at u, rather than back then imma paranoid psycho when im mad. i am also getting good at decision making. (ha! whutta word) i dunno i feel much professional on what im doing.
this year, i realized a lot of things. even my course. yes, there’s a doubt but sometimes this might be the destined one for me. i mean, not blaming to destiny because literally, i do not have a plan taking up this and the wind just blew me up here and here am i! getting more pretentious intellectual with this hahaha. i realized also that you can do all things alone but its better with someone else!
this year, i am great! i was able to take myself into different places without mom knowing about it, but ofc later on she’ll figure it out. i met different ppl from diff parts of the ph. i am now socializing with those ppl who never thought i’ve existed few years back, and im ready to face tomorrow with any of them!
this year, i was able to read a novel within a day!
this year, i also cry.. (for the record not with romantic love! i never cried out of it in my entire life) i also get hurt. but im not taking it seriously. i managed it well! im proud of myself. *le me rewards a certificate for myself*
this year, i am me.
this year, i craved for love.
and the most highlight of all…
this year, i met you.
‘You’ literally.(i’ll use ‘you’ here as a noun) wait uhm, i dunno what to say about you. and yeah, this year is special because of you. you let me see the magic of love that i’ve been cursing with; a love which is my favorite game. you let me hear the chirps of the birds and say how the nature looks good (randomly) in the middle of a casual conversation. you taught me how to be patient enough to wait for a good timing (which i do not know until now) ; that all things takes time and time wasn’t a thing at all because its the memories and chances within matters. you let me find the coldness in fire and the hotness in water. you let me feel sad about seeing you cry and care about it (which is totally not-so-me). you let me become unproductive in any matters just to talk/be with you, (time is precious with you in it!) you let me see “it’s” flaws hence let me disregard it. you let me love the negative side, and not curse it or atleast be turn off with it. you let me realize that no matter how u curse such person, u will still love “it” no matter whut. you let me feel proud with the 4 balls i’ve hit in my first try in a baseball bat. you let me melt in the most liquified form everytime our stolen glances collides. you let me contradict my mind and soul (applying aristotle’s philosophy here) every time we had a misunderstanding or everytime i didnt feel noticing “it” because whatever happens.. “it” chases me, and i love the way “it” chase :’). you occupies this year (obviously).
i dunno but, you is a nonsense, a dumb, a nobody, a freakin’ attitude psycho, a freak, a bastard, a cry-baby, a coward, a shit, a completely mess (most beautiful mess). But you is everything. i dunno why. gosh im getting more shitty here, but srsly speaking.. you made, makes and making me feel everything, every single emotions, even a mixture of every inch of it. i dunno why, what and since when or where this started. you is adorable. see how amazing you is? to turn this ogre in a dirty, non-hygienic swamp into a most gentle bunny in fresh bloomed daisy farm. && that’s why i love you.
12am!!!! its my bdayyyy
this is a great year! and i’m not closing it, i will leave the door open, i will not close the book. i will continue making it the best book anyone would ever read! i’ll make it worthy of reading. I HOPE THIS UPCOMING YEAR WILL BE A MORE BLAST YEAR FOR ME! I THANK GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS. INDEEDLY.
thank you reader for reading this, u fulfill ur purpose! u may now die,joke. i’ll release a lot more something to read so stay alive! xx p.s if something happen bet. me and ‘you’ u’all be the first one who’ll know.. hehez.
16th: learn to say no.