Someone Says Sorry

This is not a Justine Bieber’s song but…

I’m sorry for always rejecting you. For always not giving you the affection you expected to receive. Sorry for the times I always snob you, or the messages you never fail to send. I’m sorry that I can’t go on to your planned dates. Even that weirdo little notes you consequently give I can’t keep or either can’t reply to at least one of those. I’m sorry for those rejected sweet acts you do unto me. I’m sorry if I find those corny or useless. I’m sorry that I didn’t eat that food stuffs you gave me with appreciation. I’m sorry if I only just phrasing book lines I’ve encountered to offer to you because I can’t make mine.  I’m sorry I do not have good voice and music inclination to offer at least one song for me to say it all. I’m sorry if I am not that good conversationalist every night we tried to have a deep conversation. I’m sorry for the ridiculous jokes and pranks I do towards you, if that pissed you off or you find it annoying. I’m sorry if I can’t cook food for you because I don’t know how to do it. I’m sorry if I’m too practical, that we can’t do piggin’ out because of my limited budget.

I’m really sorry.

I really am.

I just don’t know how to handle this feeling. I don’t know how to show it off. I am new at this. I am used to the positive side of this. The only thing I know and sure is that this feeling. I love it. I can’t turn my feelings into acts. It’s just I find it easier to do the opposite what I really want to do. I find it easier to reject you rather than to tolerate my feelings. I don’t know how to execute it. I’m scared. Whatever we have right now, I want to keep it, treasure it behind your back. I don’t want the affection to grow or lessen. I don’t want to let the chasing to fade. I don’t want the messages to stop. I don’t want the dates to be planned, I want them spontaneous; as what we like to do when we are at the moment. I don’t want to miss that little notes of yours, I want to receive more of them for the rest of my life. I don’t want to show off for the reason I don’t want to sate with your acts, I want us to have something we wait to happen. To always have something to wait for. To desire to get, and takes time to do it right; in the good timing. I don’t want the food to treasure, I want to show that as I eat it, you are truly become a part of me. I give you book lines for you to realize that you are something worth remembering in every pages. I’m running out of words when I see you. I don’t want a good voice or instruments to bring the magic we have even though we are in acapella. I don’t want a serious talk with you, I just want to hear anything from you with sense or nah. Because whatever it comes from you makes sense.

Let’s be anything for the rest of our lives. Let’s be something in the right time.

But for now, I just want you to enjoy yourself, with me. Without a word, without anything labeled. Because things matter the most when it is unnamed. We always find for something. So the feelings don’t stop just there, it will always grow. Lastly, I’m sorry for being not the person you expected to be. I am never an expectation and will never be. But I will always be the person who wants to be with you I the most confusing way. I met you in the depth of unexpected scenarios, and I want to stay with you there anytime we want. Thank you, for letting me realize that not all sorrys are negative. Sometimes, they are there to conceal. Sorry.


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